If you suddenly found yourself living solo in a space you once shared with an ex, it’s time to reclaim your space and make it the perfect atmosphere for you to heal so you can start building an even more wonderful life!

Here are ten things to do (and one not to do) when you are making your space your own:

1) Get new sheets. I mean, ideally you’d get a whole new bed, right? I did that by selling my old one on Craigslist and getting a “new” one on Craigslist, but if that isn’t in the cards (or budget) at least get new sheets. They can cost under $20 at a store like Ross or Marshalls, and the psychological benefit of no longer sleeping on the same sheets you shared with your ex will pay dividends!

2) Get rid of the TV. Don’t panic, I don’t mean you have to do this literally. But I did, and the reason was simple. I never wanted a TV and I had one because my ex wanted one. No big deal, but now that I had complete control over my domain, one of my ways of taking back my space was to take back my time, and for me that meant getting rid of the TV. Maybe for you it’s not the TV, but whatever you’ve been fighting about during your relationship is now over. Exercise that control!

3) CLEAN OUT THE PANTRY. We all develop habits over time that are shaped by our relationships, and what and when we eat is a big part of our lifestyle. Now that you are solo in your space, take every thing out of your cupboards and pantry and get rid of food that is stale or that you’ll never eat. Maybe it’s the brand of whiskey your ex preferred. Maybe it’s actually stuff you used to eat, but you’re going to use this moment to change your habits. Even if you toss or donate very little, the act of cleaning out the fridge and pantry can be a low-emotion, high-return way to start fresh in your home and life.

4) Paint the walls.  There is very little that can transform a space as much as a can of paint! For the cost of a gallon or two you can make a space feel clean and new, and put your fingerprint on a room. Choose a color that really speaks to you, whether that is a feminine blush pink, a bold emerald green, or a fresh clean white, and don’t worry if you might need to change it in a year or two. Trust me, the investment of time and money is worth it as you shape your space to fit the new you!

BTW please don’t fear making a “bad” choice. When I did my own post-divorce redecorating I chose to paint my ceilings black… and it was horrible! But it was just what I needed to break my space free from its past, and then I was able to repaint intentionally, in wonderful colors I loved for years! The world didn’t end (though I might recommend sticking with walls, ceilings are a pain in the butt to paint lol!).

5) Open the windows. No matter what season we’re in, letting fresh air into the house is always a good idea! It’s both a perfect symbolic gesture to let out the stale past and let in a fresh future, as well as a real and concrete way to improve your indoor air quality. (Did you know that, according to the EPA, levels of indoor air pollutants are often 2 to 5 times higher than outdoor levels, and in some cases these levels can exceed 100 times that of outdoor levels of the same pollutants?!)

6) Have a photo shoot with your friends.  If you’re the kind of person that had a bunch of photos of you and your ex around the house, then phone your friends and set up a photo shoot. Go be tourists in your own city, or go for a hike together, with the goal of capturing a handful of shots to print and frame. Then place those around the house as reminders of the support and relationships you have. If you have a dog – bring ’em along. If you have kids, maybe do it at a local theme park or playground. This can be as low cost as you need (just use your phones), or you can book a photographer – there are often ‘Experiences’ like this one listed on Airbnb – maybe there is one in your city? Just because you live and work in your town doesn’t mean you can’t go and play in it!

7) Have a housewarming party. Since having people over can make us feel really vulnerable, you may find this idea the hardest to execute. That said, having a celebration or ceremony is a perfect way to mark a change in life. Whether you moved to a new place, or are changing up your existing place, invite your friends over to mark the moment. This can be a fancy, catered party or a simple potluck-and-games night. Just pick a date, hop on Evite or Facebook to invite friends, whatever you do, don’t stress about your home being perfect. No one will judge you for your unfinished projects or your saggy sofa. They just want to spend time with you! You’ll be amazed at how good it feels to hug a friend, and you also might be surprised at how much they open up with you and share some of the chaos that’s been happening in their own lives. Remember, we are all on this crazy, scary ride called life together.

BONUS: What *not* to do In general, avoid big remodels during the “angry phase” right after your divorce. It’s important to put your personal stamp on your place, especially as you heal from a breakup, but try not to make permanent, costly decisions like getting pink countertops or tiling the whole bathroom in gold while you are still feeling anti-ex. Go bold with paint and pillows for this time period, and when you are feeling more equanimity (ooh, SAT word!) about the whole situation, then you can start to make the big changes in your home, and trust that you being making choices that you’ll enjoy for decades to come.

Think of your post-divorce home as a cocoon, and you a beautiful (or handsome 😉) butterfly. May you emerge stronger, happier, and more resilient than ever! And if you’re looking for design help with these ideas and beyond, our virtual Design Helplines are just a click away! We’d love to talk you through practical ideas for making your home a happy one.

May your home always be happy!